Extreme Life Makeover - Galatians 5:22-25
Goodness
Week six. How
many of you have watched the show Extreme Home Makeover in the past five weeks
as a result of us going through this series?
Pretty good show isn’t it? There
is still some good TV out there. To have
the privilege to be a part of the crew for a week like Butch and Leah would be
great. But we get to be part of
something even better - because God is doing an extreme life makeover on our
lives right now. As a believer in Jesus,
you are the subject of an ongoing project.
Philippians 1:6 says, “I am
certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work
until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” It is an ongoing project, not just seven days
like the show. Not just nine weeks like
this message series. It is a process
that will take place your whole life on earth, and it will be completed,
perfected, when Jesus returns to take us home.
Galatians 5:22-25 – “But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of
fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness,
faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these
things! Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires
of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. Since we are living by the Spirit, let us
follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives.”
We're
going to talk about goodness today. That sounds so vague. “Good” can mean so
many things. What is a “good person?” Ten different people might have ten
different ideas. The English language is not very definitive on this word. But
the Greek language was. There were actually several different words in the
Greek language for good, and each had a distinct meaning. The word used here in
Galatians 5:22 is “agathosune,” and it means good as in moral excellence, uncontaminated, consistent. One thing
we could easily admit is that only God meets this standard perfectly. But
goodness can still be spoken of in relative terms to His perfect standard. That
is, we can be have more or less goodness in relation to God's perfect goodness.
It is in this light that we can speak of a word that defines human goodness,
and the word that best speaks of it is “integrity.'”
INTEGRITY
IS DECIDING TO INTEGRATE MY HEART'S VALUES INTO MY DAILY ACTIONS.
Integrity
comes from the word “integrate.” So it's the ability to integrate the values of
my heart (and mouth) into my daily actions. The feeling that you get when you
know what you're doing is right, that's integrity. You don't slip into
integrity. Nobody every said, “Oops, I fell into integrity.” It's something you
decide on in life. We're going to talk today about how you decide on integrity
in your relationships, the kind of integrity that builds a solid, secure
foundation for relationships.
God placed
a very high value on integrity. Proverbs 28:6 – “Better is the poor who walks in his integrity than he who is
crooked though he be rich.” (NASB) God says integrity is a lot more
valuable than all the stuff we sometimes think is valuable.
1
Chronicles 29:17 - “I know, my God, that
you examine our hearts and rejoice when you find integrity there. You know I
have done all this with good motives.” Integrity is one of the things that
makes God happy, that makes God smile.
Integrity
is important to God, but it's important to all of us too. All of us want to
have integrity between our heart's values and our daily actions. We struggle
when we don't. It's one of the ways we see how important it is to us, the fact
that we struggle when we don't see those two fitting together. Another way to
look at our desire for integrity is to look at as the “frustration gap.” That
is the gap between my heart's values and my daily actions. We all struggle with
that.
We're
going to talk today about how you begin to close that frustration gap, some
daily things we can do, some daily attitudes in our lives that can help us
begin to close that gap a bit in our lives so the Holy Spirit can grow goodness
in us.
If you
live with this gap just realize that everyone else does too. You're not alone.
The greatest people of all times have struggled with this gap. The Apostle
Paul, one of the greatest Christians who ever lived talked about living with
this frustration gap. Romans 7:18-20 he gives one of the best descriptions of
it I've seen.
“And I know that nothing good lives in me, that
is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I
don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not
really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.” Who will rescue me from
this - how can I stop. And then He acknowledges that only Christ can help him.
This
frustration gap, we feel it in all the areas of our lives but we really feel it
in our relationships. Relationships are so important to us.
Usually
the word “integrity” is used when we talk about business and finance and having
integrity there We talk about politicians not having integrity. We talk about
all different kinds of integrity except for personal integrity, in our families,
integrity with my friends, integrity in my Christian relationships. But we
should. It would really help us in our relationships.
The real
value of integrity for relationships - it has the power to build trust in a
relationship. And trust is what fuels a relationship. When you and I have
integrity in a relationship it builds that level of trust one to another and
directly strengthens the relationship.
-Illus-
Sports Illustrated ran a story several years ago on a T-Ball game in
Two
benefits of integrity that help that level of trust to build in a relationship.
1.
Protection. If you have less fear in a
relationship, you are less likely to choose to forfeit your integrity and it
can build trust. If I trust God's protection, I will have less fear and choose
integrity
Psalm
25:21 – “May integrity and honesty
protect me, for I put my hope in you.” As long as my hope is just in my
relationships, I don't have any outside protection in my life, and it's not
enough. If I fear losing that relationship by doing the right thing, I may
choose to lose my integrity. But when my hope is ultimately in God's protection
- in heaven, I can make the hard decision to do what is right.
2.
Guidance. Integrity gives us a sort of
internal guidance system so we can make better decisions.
Proverbs 11:3
– “Honesty guides good
people; dishonesty destroys treacherous people.”
How?
Because we are not really relying on our own sense of wisdom, but God's. The
person of integrity has decided that even when it does not make earthly sense
to do the right thing, they will do it because God has said that in the long
term it is better. They live by faith not by sight.
You put
these two things together - protection and guidance - and plug them into any relationship
and if you have those attitudes in your self, you're going to be a strength to
that relationship, rather than someone who pulls the relationship down.
How do we
do that? What are some practical
things that we can do to develop integrity in our relationships?
1. Speak
honestly
2. Confess
regularly
3. Live consistently
4. Commit
openly
You put
these four things together and you're building integrity into your
relationships.
1 Speak Honestly.
Mark Twain
said one time that speaking honestly takes a lot of stress out of our lives. He
said “If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.” George Burns
said one time, “The most important thing about acting is honesty. If you can
fake that you've got it made.” But you can't fake honesty, especially with the
people you're closest to. They'll know whether you're being honest or not. You
cannot fake it. And if you catch somebody in a lie in a relationship the trust
level goes way down.
As you
speak honestly let's do it in the way the Bible says to do it. Ephesians 4:15 -
“Speak the truth in love.” Some
people speak the truth in a relationship in a way that destroys the
relationship rather than builds the relationship. It's important to speak
honestly but in love or with unselfish motives. Some people don't tell the truth
they launch the truth - like a guided missile into your life. Sort of Clint
Eastwood kind of truth tellers, they pull it out like a 44 Magnum and blow you
away with it then they walk away feeling great about themselves and you're
laying on the floor destroyed.
When you
and I begin to do that it has a great impact on our relationships. Proverbs
20:7 says, “The godly walk with
integrity; blessed are their children who follow them.” That's the impact of speaking honestly. It's a
wonderful heritage. Dads, you and I think the heritage we leave our kids has to
do with our accomplishments and all these great things that I do and they can
step back and say, “Wow! What a great dad I had because he accomplished this or
that.” The truth is our kids won't ponder later in life about our
accomplishments. What really impacts their lives, the real heritage that we
have to give to them is our character. It's a wonderful heritage to have an
honest father. If you're honest in your relationship with your kids you're
giving them the best heritage anyone can give.
I could
stop here in talking about speaking honestly and most of us would walk away
thinking “Yes, truth is a good idea, speaking with love - that's a great idea,
but...” This is one of the places where we really struggle with the frustration
gap. We know we should tell the truth. It's a value in our lives to tell the truth.
One of our phrases that runs through our minds “Honesty is the best policy.”
But a lot of us have canceled that policy in our everyday lives. We just don't
tell the truth when it's not easy. Why is that?
One survey
said that 91 % of Americans lie. I read that and thought “How do you trust that
kind of a survey?” It says 91% of us lie. Why is that?
I think
it's about a real fear of what will happen when we tell the truth. At work, if
I say something I'll get fired. With friends, if I speak the truth, they're not
going to like me any more. At home, if I speak the truth they're going to be
angry with me, we're going to end up having a big fight. So I'll just keep my
mouth shut and I'll just live with it. I know what some of you are thinking “For
me, not saying anything, it's not a matter of integrity, it's a matter of
survival” Let's be honest about honesty. Integrity and honesty are a tremendous
risk in relationships. That's why it is sometimes hard to tell the truth. What
would they really think if I really told them the truth? If I really told my
parents the truth, they'd kick me out of the house. If I really told my boss
the truth about what I think about the project, he'd fire me. So I'll just be
quiet, not say anything. If I really told my husband the truth about how I feel
about our relationship, he'd blow up; it's not worth it. If I really told my wife
the truth about how I feel about our love life, she'd accuse me of a one-tract
mind. It's a risk to tell the truth.
Often
times in our attempt to keep the peace what we actually do is lie. We say “Everything's
Ok - No problems.” It's a risk to tell the truth, but there's a tremendous risk
in not telling the truth also. The risk in telling the truth is that things
will blow up and you'll go through a conflict.
The risk in not telling the truth is that you'll gradually grow apart,
or that you will be caught in your dishonesty and the trust is gone, and your
love for each other will begin to fall. Ask God for the courage to tell the
truth. Ask Him for the courage to take the risk and tell the truth in the
relationship. Remember the two points of security in God and guidance from God
and then decide to tell the truth.
2. Confess Regularly.
Admit when
you're wrong. I like this poem by Ogden Nash:
To keep
your marriage brimming with love in the loving cup
When you're wrong, admit it. And when you're right, shut up.
Every time
I've violated either side of that there's been trouble. Both of those are
important.
When
you're wrong admit it. Admit it to the people you're in relationship with.
James talks about doing that. James 5:16 tells us “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other.” Isn't telling our faults to God enough? Do we
have to confess to others too? In order to restore our relationship with them,
we need to talk to them about what happened.
There's a
principle in forgiveness that's called restitution. Usually the first thing you
think of is financial restitution. If I've wronged somebody, sinned against
someone, taken money or possessions from them and I recognize that I've been
wrong, then I need to go back and not only ask for God's forgiveness and I need
to give them the million dollars back or whatever.
I've found
in life that far more often than financial restitution it's relational
restitution that's needed.
If we just
say “I'm sorry, I was wrong,” and conversely, “I forgive you,” it would open a
floodgate in our relationships. So many people are seeking that. It's tough to admit it when you're wrong. We
get defensive. We don't want to admit it. We all say “I've got a long way to go
in life!” But just let someone who's close to us point out exactly how far we have
to go, exactly what direction and then it's tough.
I want you
to understand where the strength to do this comes from. You're not going to
find the strength to be forgiving or to admit it when you're wrong in your own
good character. It's found in God's forgiveness of us. 1 John 1:9 – “If we confess our sins to him, he is
faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.”
If you want to be forgiving, you must be
forgiven. You must find in Jesus Christ the forgiveness that we all need.
That's where that strength comes from.
3. Live Consistently.
The
opposite of consistency is hypocrisy. You may be able to hide some hypocrisy at
work or church or with friends, but you can't hide it as easily at home where
people know you.
Consistency
is vital in three areas:
a. Public
vs. private image. Jesus said in Matthew 6:1 – “Watch out! Don’t do your good deeds publicly, to be admired by others,
for you will lose the reward from your Father in heaven.” He's not saying
never do anything where people can see it. He did a lot of good deeds publicly.
He’s talking about the motivation here. Don't do it to be admired by other
people. Why do we let our families down in order to build our public image up?
I think a lot of times it's what we view as important. Sometimes we think it's
so important that we impress our boss or friends. We forget how important our
own family, the people who are closest to us really are. “They'll love me no matter
what” That's not true. We can lose their respect too.
b.
Discipline. Kids need consistency in discipline. Ephesians 6:4 talks about
fathers bringing up their children in the discipline and instruction of the
Lord.
If you as
a parent have never struggled with this thing of consistency, you're not human!
We all struggle with it. There are days when you've had a bad day and you want
to discipline your kids. There are other days when you just want to take them
out for ice cream no matter what they did. Consistency requires teamwork.
Husband and wife or if you're a single parent, get another person who can
encourage you. It’s too hard to be consistent in this all by ourselves. It's a
key area in developing respect and integrity in your relationship with your
children.
c. Consistency
between my words and my actions. I hope you've never said and never will use
this phrase, “Do as I say, not as I do.” It's better to say, “Shoot for what
I'm shooting for.” None of us are perfect but at least I'm striving for something.
You strive for the same thing. Words are not what's going to impact people. Our
actions are what change people's lives
1 Samuel
16:7 – “The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by
outward appearance, but the Lord
looks at the heart.” That's what
those who are closest to us see too. Our heart, who we really are. That's what
impacts them and influences them.
Your
lifestyle is contagious. Your words aren't usually contagious but your
lifestyle is. If you have a lifestyle that's filled with hypocrisy,
inconsistency, and you've sort of gotten used to this over a long period of
time, those who are closest to you see it and they're going to want to run from
you like the plague. We all hate hypocrisy. If you could really see it in your
own life instead of something you've gotten used to over a long period of time,
you'd hate it in your own life. That's why many times in our relationships,
those who are closest to us, seem to not want to be around us. As you struggle
to be consistent, and it is a struggle, you can develop in your relationships a
depth of love and respect that you never dreamed possible. That's the power of
consistency.
4. Committing Openly.
Integrity
means that you must make up your mind in advance. There are times in life when
you shouldn't wait to make up your mind. For instance: Your wedding day and the
pastor says, “Do you take this woman to be your wife?” That is not the time to
say, “Give me just a minute on that one.”
Make up
your mind in advance about integrity, decide in advance who you're to be and let
it be known to people around you. You say, “I can't always trust myself to make
the right decision. I'm not sure it's a good idea to make a commitment because
I might let somebody down.” You might, but you're more likely to make the wrong
decision if you don't make a decision beforehand to walk in integrity. That's
why, once you've made up your mind, tell someone. Tell it to the right someone
about your commitment. Many of us have never told anybody about our commitment
to integrity. We've never chosen someone to be accountable to. We all need to understand
what an important part, voicing our commitment plays. We think if we tell
someone then fall short we'll feel embarrassed. That's the very reason you need
to tell someone, so that you put your life on the line. We all need some people
in our life that we can tell about our commitment that will help us be
accountable to those commitments. And when we do let them down, we go back to
step one and two of speaking honestly and confessing our faults and then strive
for number three again to walk consistently. It's a life long process the Holy
Spirit is there to help you with. Remember, goodness, integrity, is a fruit of
the Spirit. And as the Spirit of God grows the fruit of goodness or integrity
in your life, it will result in healthier relationships.
Growth
begins with a commitment. Romans 10:9 says that's an important part of where
our relationship with Christ begins, “If
you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that
God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Why do we need to confess
it with our mouth? I understand the need to believe and to repent, and I even
see the value of being baptized, but God knows our heart better than anybody,
why do I have to say it? It's not for God's sake, it's for my sake. He knows
what a powerful thing, voicing a commitment can mean in life.
I'd like all to make this our testimony to God – Psalm 101:2 - “I will lead a life of integrity in my own home.” It begins with voicing a commitment. If you're not ready to make this commitment maybe you need to begin with the verse that's above this and ask Jesus Christ to become part of your life, confess Him as Lord