Growing in Grace and Hope

“Healing Your Hidden Wounds”

1 Peter 4:1-11

Some of my scars:

- falling of my bike – age four (forehead) – age five - hit by a car (dented their bumper) – trampoline accidents - split head open - parallel bars - fractured sternum - fractured vertebrae - dismount from rings. (My baby book my mom kept is a medical journal on how I must have 99 lives.)

- A few years ago I fell on the way down my driveway in a snowstorm and broke my collarbone into too may pieces to repair, so they put in a titanium plate.

- Judd and Mike are seeing to it that I keep getting scars as we go out on motocross bikes on mountain trails.

Video Clip – Jaws – Scar Sharing Scene

I’m sure almost everyone has scar stories they could share today, but this morning I want to talk about a different kind of scar. I want to talk about wounds that tend to be more hidden and definitely more hurtful and difficult to heal. These are internal wounds - emotional wounds, spiritual wounds.

Peter talks to us about this in 1 Peter 4 when he says when you undergo suffering here's how you find healing. Hidden wounds are hurtful memories. Recollections that you keep secret but cause you pain. It can be a hidden wound of rejection, of abandonment, of unfaithfulness. The hidden wounds of feeling like you didn't matter, that somebody ridiculed you, that you were insecure. Those are the hidden wounds that you don't see on the outside of people's lives. They have a beautiful face but inside they're hurting.

Think about those again. Have you ever experienced one or more of these? Being honest about it can help others to be honest about it. I want to ask you to help me this morning. I will put an often hidden hurt on the screen. If you have experienced that wound before, please stand. Then remain standing as we go through the list. Let’s see if this sermon is going to apply to us this morning.

Slide progresses through rejection, abandonment, unfaithfulness, feeling you didn’t matter, ridicule, betrayal. Thank you. Please be seated. So it applies.

Where do we get the hidden wounds of life? From everywhere. You get them in society. Some of you have been wounded in society through prejudice or through injustice. You can be wounded by your family (and those are probably the wounds that hurt the most). You can he wounded at school by other children. You can be wounded by a friend who betrayed you. You can he wounded in your workplace.

As a pastor and having talked with a lot of people about their hidden pain, I think that everyone has a hidden wound. It may be different but everyone has a hidden wound. Today Peter tells us in this passage four keys to healing those hidden wounds.

1 Peter 4:1-11 – “¹Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because he who has suffered in his body is done with sin. ²As a result, he does not live the rest of his earthly life for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God. ³For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do—living in debauchery, lust, drunkenness, orgies, carousing and detestable idolatry. ⁴They think it strange that you do not plunge with them into the same flood of dissipation, and they heap abuse on you. ⁵But they will have to give account to him who is ready to judge the living and the dead. ⁶For this is the reason the gospel was preached even to those who are now dead, so that they might be judged according to men in regard to the body, but live according to God in regard to the spirit.  ⁷The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. ⁸Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. ⁹Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. ¹⁰Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. ¹¹If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.” (NIV)

Four Keys to Healing Your Hidden Wounds:

1. Forgive the offender.

1 Peter 4:1 – “Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because he who has suffered in his body is done with sin.”

Jesus understands what it means to be hurt. It says, “He suffered.” How many wounds did Jesus have? Seven physical wounds that I can count - nail prints in his hands and feet, stripes on his back, spear pierced his side, crown of thorns on his head (others are suggested from being beaten with fists and a rod). But He also had hidden wounds. Those hurt even more. The wounds of betrayal, rejection, hatred. It takes longer to get over an emotional hurt than it does a physical one. When you hurt, Jesus understands your hurt. He says “I've been there. I can relate. I can sympathize.” He knows what it's like.

Peter says when you go through a hurt you need to have the same attitude that Jesus had, have the same way of thinking about it. What was his attitude? In Luke 23:34, Jesus on the cross said, “Forgive them Father, for they do not know what they're doing.” He could have blown them away. Jesus didn't have to hang there on the cross. He could have called 10,000 angels down. He could have stopped the whole thing. Enough's enough. But instead He hung on the cross and said, “Father, forgive them, they don't know what they're doing.” You must forgive the offender if you're ever going to be healed of your hurt.

You say, “I don't want to forgive those people who've hurt me. They don't deserve it.” You're right.

Forgiveness is never deserved.

Then why should you forgive people who have hurt you?

A. Because God has already forgiven you. You will never have to forgive anyone more than God’s already forgiven you as a believer in Jesus.

There was this cartoon in the New Yorker magazine. It showed a father looking at his prodigal son with frustration. The caption said, “This is the fourth time we've killed the fatted calf.” I had to laugh partly because I knew that most of the people who read that magazine have no clue what it means. But you do, don't you? We struggle to forgive people. We give them one maybe two, and if we're really generous, three chances. But we have our limits. God doesn't. He forgives you time and time again. He'll kill the fatted calf every time you come home.

B. You're going to need forgiveness in the future. He who won't forgive burns the bridge he has to walk across to get to heaven. When you pray the Lord's prayer – “Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who've sinned against us” you're saying “Lord, forgive me as much as I've forgiven everybody else.”

C. You're never going to stop hurting until you learn to forgive. For your own sake, not just for their sake, you need to forgive. Hebrews 12:15 – “Watch out that no bitterness takes root among you for as it springs up it causes deep trouble, hurting many in their spiritual lives.” Resentment always hurts you more than it does the other person. You may still be resentful over things that happened ten years ago and every time that thought comes up it still makes you upset. That other person has totally forgotten it. They're going on with life. Resentment never hurts the other person, it hurts you.

TV News Show not long ago - an inmate - imprisoned for murder - had become a Christian in jail. With the help of his pastor, he wrote a book about staying away from crime, about letting God be Lord of your life. He was to make no profit from the book. He just wanted to help. He had tried to contact the families of those he had hurt to ask forgiveness.

Another man on the show, the father of one of the victims, was irate, almost foaming at the mouth. He hated this man. He said this man could never be forgiven. He said no conversion from him could be sincere. He was sure somehow the inmate would profit from the book. He was a man with wounds - deep wounds, but there was no chance he was ever going to have them healed because he refused to forgive.

2. Focus on God. Vs. 2 - ^“As a result, he does not live the rest of his earthly life for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God.”

He says get your attention off yourself, off your hurts and get it on to God. For the rest of your life, regardless of what has happened to you, regardless of the hurt in your past and even the hurt yet to come in your future, it doesn't matter so much what happened to you, as what direction your feet are headed right now. From now on focus on God's will.

This requires a mental shift. It's a choice that you've got to make. “Are you telling me to ignore my past?” Of course not. You can't. It's OK to feel sadness over things that have happened to you that have hurt you. The Bible calls that mourning and Jesus said, “Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted.” But there's a big difference between mourning and moaning. Mourning says I'm sad about that incident that hurt me. Moaning says, I'll never get over it. That's not true. That's a choice.

We get stuck in our pain and we can't get on with the present or the future. How do I get unstuck?

You focus on the Healer not your hurt. Focus on God Who wants to heal you. God can bring a positive purpose out of your pain. Somehow He can take even bad things that happen to us and bring good out of it. Romans 8:28 says God is working all things for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose. That's just the way God is. You have to trust God. The way you get over hurt you first, forgive the offender, second, you focus on God and say “God, I'm going to let you settle that score. I've got to get on with my life. So I'm going to trust You to balance the books.” That takes trust. Remember the example of Jesus ...

1 Peter 2:23 – “He did not retaliate when he was insulted, nor threaten revenge when he suffered. He left his case in the hands of God, who always judges fairly.”

The problem is with us is that we forget that God sees everything we go through. We forget that God knows about all those hurts that we've had. Subconsciously we hold on to a hurt because we think somebody's got to remember how bad this was We think if we forget there will never be any justice. Yes there will be, because God remembers. And even if those who have hurt you so deeply are themselves forgiven, well this is what's incredible -justice still got its day ... at the cross. Jesus paid the price for every hurt and sin. You have to remember that each of us needs what happened at the cross desperately. If we resent that someone who hurt us can be forgiven, then we haven't taken an honest look at our own need! We haven't really learned to be grateful for our own forgiveness in Christ. We don't get what we deserve, so why do we persist to insist that others get what they deserve?

Psalm 56:8 – “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” Do you know that God has kept a record of every tear you've ever cried? He's even kept a record of the tears you couldn't cry because you were so pained inside, they were internal tears. God has kept a record. Your pain matters to Him. He feels it and wants to help you.

What is the result of giving my hidden wounds to God? Romans 15:13 – “I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.”

There are three benefits of giving your hidden wounds to Christ: Hope, Joy, Peace. Would you rather be filled with Hope, Joy and Peace or Misery, Depression, and Resentment? It's your choice.

3. Face the Future.

Forgive the offender, focus on God's will. Then Face the world again. Stop living in denial, pretending it doesn't hurt. Stop trying to fake it, mask it, to cover it up. Acknowledge your hurts, forgive the offender, focus on God's will for you and get on with your life. Don't keep reliving the past over and over again.

There is a universal law that goes into operation: When you focus on one thing it tends to cause you to forget something else. The key to forgetting is refocusing. If you want to get rid of those memories, to let them fade, he says focus on the future. Don't say “I'm not going to think about that...” because the whole time you will focusing on “that.” Think of the future.

You might say, “I don't want to focus on the future, it scares me.” Tell God about it. David did. Psalm 34:17 – “The Lord hears his people when they call to him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles.” If you're afraid of the future, because of the pain of the past, tell it to God. He invites you to. Be honest about your feelings, be honest with God. Go ahead and pour out your feelings to God. Why? So that God will know how you feel? No. He already knows how you feel. For your own sake - it's good to be honest. The healing wounds must be opened up to the love of the Father.

Most people, instead of doing this, look for a quick fix when they hurt. Have you noticed that when they are in pain they'll do almost anything to avoid it? Or to remedy it? Or to mask it? If you have this painful memory about the past that keeps coming back up, maybe you drink too much, and then you forget it. Or if the stress becomes unbearable, just pop some pills. Or if there's an aching loneliness inside that just won't go away, some people have an affair. Some people just move somewhere else, thinking they can run from the problem. The world only has cheap, temporary pain killers to offer. They work for a while You forget your troubles for a while. But afterwards the troubles come back.

How do you spell “relief'?” JESUS. That's the lasting solution, not some quick fix.

There are three problems with the pain killers that the world offers.

A. They don’t last. They make you feel better for awhile. They may mask the pain for a time. But it won’t last.

B. They can become addicting and therefore destructive. You have created a new problem with its own pains.

C. They never solve the problem. They mask it without solving it. So pretty soon you’re facing the same problem again.

These pain killers don't get to the real problem in your life. Peter says, don't mask your pain with a quick fix, that's a waste of time. v. 3 - “For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do—living in debauchery, lust, drunkenness, orgies, carousing and detestable idolatry.” These are fun while they're going on but they're really a waste of time because they don't take away the pain. They don't solve anything. But now that you belong to Jesus, when you face suffering and hurt, forgive the offender, and focus on God's will for you. Remember the cross. Face the reality of a future of hope. Remember you are an alien here on earth now. In light of a promised eternity without pain and hurt and suffering, the suffering of this earth can be endured. Live in hope.

4. Find Supportive Relationships in the Church.

You'll never fully recover by yourself, because by yourself you will most likely fall back into a life of bitterness. You're not alone in this world. God never meant for you to have to solve your hurts on your own. When he made Adam and put him in the Garden of Eden He said, “It's not good for man to be alone even in the perfect environment.” We need each other. God never meant for you to be a Lone Ranger. You'll never fully be healed until you're able to share your hurts with somebody else. Hidden wounds heal quicker when you get support from other people.

V 8 – “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” Care about each other. “Love covers a multitude of sin.” What does that mean? Remember the context. He is talking about suffering. The love found in a Christian community can go a long way to recovering from and dealing with earthly suffering. There is enormous, tremendous healing power in love. Love is the antidote to fear. Love is the antidote to guilt. Love is the antidote to resentment. When your life is filled with love it doesn't have room for these other things that eat you up on the inside. God is love. Fill your life with God and you're filled with love. That is the ultimate healing power there. On your own, you are bound to forget the love given you at the cross, but in Christian community you are reminded often.

Ecclesiastes 4:9 says “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.” We need each other. Where is the best place to get supportive relationships? Church. That's why

God made the church. It's to be a family of supportive relationships while we are still on this earth, while we await the realization of our hope at the return of Christ.

Hebrews 10:24-25 makes this exact point, “Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.” Meet together and encourage each other. Now I know that some people have given up on church because in their experience they didn't find encouragement from church. Maybe they even found further hurt. That's sad, but it's even sadder that they gave up on church, because they cannot find encouragement of the kind that focuses on eternal hope away from the church. They may find fun people, even encouraging people, but not people that encourage them to keep their eyes on Jesus. That's a major reason God gave us the church. I am thankful that this church family does this well. And we need to keep doing it well and even better.

How is this possible? He meant for all of us to encourage each other.

A. We do it through relationships. Vs. 9 – ^“Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.”

It is interesting that some of the most popular Sitcoms like Cheers or Friends and Movies like the Breakfast Club or The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants or The Sandlot. Why were they successful? What was their appeal? They appealed to our need for relationship, to be known, accepted and loved. The theme song of Cheers says a lot ...”You want to be where you can see your troubles are all the same, You want to go where everybody knows your name.” Where you can share and be shared with and where you can pray and be prayed for. If you get sick somebody can bring you meals and watch your kids. When you're in the hospital somebody comes and visits you. The value of relationships in the church is that you realize “I'm not in this alone. Other people have the same problem I have. Some of them have already gone through it and can give me some advice.”

2. We do it through ministry in the Body. Vs. 10 – “Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms.”

We are to care for one another. Fifty-eight times in the New Testament the Bible uses the phrase “one another.” Love one another, care for one another, greet one another, pray for one another, counsel one another, help one another, support one another... It is the mutual ministry of the body to itself. That's why we need a church family. We are to help each other. Not just come and sit and hear a message and walk out. God means for you to be involved - partly by caring for the needs of others in this church and having your needs cared for as well. This means needs have to be known, which again calls for relationship.

Conclusion:

Everybody has a hidden wound. What's yours? Would you like to be healed from it? Then take the first step. Jesus said “Come to Me all you who are weary and overburdened and I will give you rest.” Jesus says, just come to Me. I will give you rest - mental, spiritual, physical, emotional rest. How? Because He demonstrated His love for you at the cross. He cared for your biggest need there on the cross. He took all your sin on Himself and paid the price for it, so you wouldn't have to. But you have to accept what He did for you for yourself. And He also provided a place for you to bring your hurts - the church. It's not a perfect place, but it is a caring place.